:)

i gotta do this., i have to bring down the wall of lies i have created around me, i have to get rid of my sins and my mistakes, and all the decisions for which i regret, and stop lying to myself. i hate myself so much. i do. i believe i shouldnt have been born. it was a mistake. i could not accomplish anything. could not make my dreams come true. i never lived for myself. i never could. everybody likes to see my happy face, so i was happy, nobody could see the pain inside, nobody wanted to. nobody could. my fault :) this life has been unbearable for me, the last few months has been horrible to me, and i cant take it anymore. the burden and the pain is too much to bear. please forgive me, i am a loser, i give up, i lost.

as donna said, may allah help me :) pls pray for my forgiveness :) i was never the religious guy, but then again the last few days i prayed, asking him to forgive me and give me a chance, to give me the chance to hold onto the glimmer of hope. but i guess my karma, my sins play a huge role, i was not forgiven nor given a chance, may be i dont have patience, then again i was never good at anything :) but as i go now, i am in peace. seriously i am. but i am also afraid of the eternal pain and sufferings, can u my friends pray for me pls? i am afraid, still i have to do this. i screamed and no one could realize what i want. i couldnt be the son my parents want, i couldnt be the husband that ila wants, i could not love her in the end. i could not make her realize what i want from her. pls forgive me ila. i only brought pains and sufferings in ur life, the last 10 yrs. has been painful for u. i am sorry to have destroyed ur life. But guess what, something better is waiting for u. i wish u all the best.